perigonium's Journal

I am exhausted. Airplane sleep is the most unrefreshing thing there is. I'm not going to write. I'm going to go read comics and think about how lovely that movie was and how sexy the sandman is. I'll be gone for another week. Don't wait up for me.

spotted pants
August is already disapearing to fast for my liking. I don't want it to end, I don't want to go to high school, where it's bi with big people. I hope it won't be to bad. I need some reassurence,or something that will actually make me excited for high school. Anything. *sigh* Max wrote to me. He surprises me alot. I don't think he'll call me or i'll ever see him, then he does and I've seen him twice. He also said he loves me, like a friend. it's weird, for me, the only boy I've ever really loved as a friend or anything else, was Jordan. It's harder for me to love boys than girls. As friends. But, everybody loves jordan, so I don't know how much that counts. Ive been thinking about Rob, and always looking for him on his bike. I need to see him, at least one more time this summer. It was great, I saw Ari yesturday, and it didn't feel like she hated me or anything, like I've felt before. It was almost like it used to be....... We went tot the cemetery and layed on a vacant stone grave that we now think is the grave of the unwanted child in that family. We got wet from the rain and our clothes became spotted. I asked her if this was something to remember about her summer. It made really sad when she said nothing has really happened to her this summer, and that she's just really bored. I don't know. I just want her to have a wonderful sumer, kind of like how I'm having. And I almost want to be the person that makes her summer simply glorious. but oh well. It's hard to do that for a person. Anyways, I'm going to mail her a surprise and I'm oh so excited about it!

Current Mood: heavy eyelids
Current Music: Led Zeppelin

This could be so hard....
It's so hard to describe a moment with music, in words. When I write, I have music, and it sets a mood and feeling, I want to describe it, but it's hard without the music. Movies are perfect in that way. I wish Life was documented with film, so you can look back at moments that really make you. Haveing yuor memories on a tape, so you don't hurt yourself trying to look back on something in your mind, and get every detail that made that moment amazing.

Current Mood: pleased
Current Music: Butterfly Boucher

three times a summer
Everyone at the Meow Meow is simply glorious. Where have they all been? Or have they been hiding at the club this whole time? So many of them I just want to fuck, because their all beautiful and talented. the first showi went to, I met this kid named Rob. he has a mohawk and wears hiking boots. He's incredibly smart and pessamistic. I find myself falling for him only after meeting him 3 times. I need another show before this summer ends. I wish it would last longer. Time flies even when your not having fun.This would prolly have to be the greatest summer of my youth. I'm more independent, older.
I saw Ari today. i've only seen her twice this summer. How screwed up is that? The last two summers, we must have been conjoined at the hip! we did almost everything together. It makes me to sad to know that those days are coming to an end. We've lost interest in things, Met new people. We've changed to godamn much!!!I wish this wasn't happening. But the plus side is i'll see her on Friday perhaps, and we're going to the Red Bull Flutag, to watch people fall intot he water in strange contraptions. I should go sleep. It feels heavy behind my eyes.

Crying Skin
It feels later than it really is. It's too hot for the upstairs. I wish my room could be cool, but hot outside. Carlye won't share any of the fans, so i'm stuck drenched in sweat. I swear the sweat on my body alone could prolly bathe 3 children at least.
I Laughed for what seemed like the whole night with Rocket, at Marakesh. Very good food, you eat with your hands. I won't be surprised if I have a buttload of marroccan bowle movements gone wrong, late tonight.
Tomorrow night, I'm going with Rocky to the Meow Meow for a show. Corey, rocky's friend is playing, and some daVinci kids are supposed to be there. It will be a great buttload of morroccan fun! Yay!
Last night, I sat on my window sill, so I could actually breath while I read. It;'s too damn hot! I don't understand why i haven't shriveled up into a little ball and died! Jesus Horse! When will it End?!?!I want a fan! Godammit Carlye! Give me a fucking fan! To many exclamation points. When I get really hot i start getting these chills, that come out of no where, or when I sneeze. I should go and try to sleep in a bath of my own sweat. Well. Ciao. for now.

Current Mood: drained
Current Music: Led Zeppelin

Not having a story of my own, I wrote in Roxy's. The one she wishes she has. I guess I do to. We walked in the heat for what seemed like hours, trying to find Joe. A boyfriend of Rockets. I'm officially addicted to Reese's peanut butter cereal, and this house needs many fans. I can't stand this heat. This is why I don't like summer. Its it's summer days! I wish I could just melt, like my body seems to want me to do. A puddle of water. A lazy puddle of water. God, I want it to rain. When it's warm, and the sun disapears behind unexpected clouds, and it rains. warm but refreshing rain.

I hate how my sister can turn anything into what I said, something that makes her really defensive. Even though I didn't mean for it to come out that way. A couple days ago Carlye got a rash that itched and left bumps all over her body. It was kharma.

Current Mood: puddle
Current Music: televsion, if you would call it music

An Ode To Jordan
I'm tierd, and i wish there was more to do on the internet. I geuss there is and I just don't feel like much of an explorer. Sex sells says the Mercury. And it's true. Sad but true. I'm going to go write to Iz. I now have her address and know how to get a letter to her. Oh great!

Finn
Hmm. I'm convinced. I just need to find a way to decorate it, make it beautiful, to pretty for a hole. Today was exciting and the lining in my pants are sweaty. I spent the day at reed with Max. We Talked about drugs while Max smoked a cigarette. WE sat on a brigde with our legs hanging over the water, and watched dragon flies mate. It was nice. I wish everyday could be a Huckleberry Finn adventure. Evryday would be something exciting and dangerous. I want to start writing stories. I just need a start, and I could get off from there. I should also start drawing, I feel like I'm almost losing my comfort with a pencil and paper. I want Max to sleep over and we would star gaze on my roof. I want Mike to come home so I can dance and his kitchen and ask about Europe. I wish Ari would call me, and I want to know every bus and their every stop so I can go everywhere without trouble. I better run and re-aqwaint myself with a pencil. Thank you Montana (I shall take the bus to your house!!!!) and Rocket.

Current Mood: sweaty pants

This journal is stupid. I want to burry it in a hole and cover it back up again. I haven't been here for a while. Obviously. I don't care, whatever. I'm too tierd for this bullshit. i'm to tierd for words and Jordan and
blank books. I'm going to go sleep. someone write some words
of ecourgment, so I can finish what I've started. Please.

Dolphin Ring
I wanted to call ari and play Queen for her. The song says more than what i could ever say. I hope she calls me on tuesday. i wished on a clock that she would call me on July 5th at 3:33pm. We'll just see if a wish on a clock comes true. She gave me a pouch in 6th grade with stones and fortunes inside it. she also put a ring she used to wear when she was younger, of two dolphins. i pulled it out today to wear it. Maybe anything I summon up of hers will help me get her back. It makes me jealous that she has Spark and Carina. i just wish i could be in that mix too. Oh well. Rocket is always there in a box for me, I geuss.

The cielingis leaking into a bucket on the stairs. Clinking it makes every so often is bothering me.

For three days I've read books,to keep my mind off everything else. Lose myself in fiction. I find I don't want to talk about it. I've been in a pretty good mood since monday and I don't want to go back to thinking about Ari. I cried so hard today. I screamed and my mother listened. It felt to good for words. Change is a horrible thing sometimes. It comes at you when you least expect it, and leaves you shocked and confused. Not a pretty feeling. *sigh* It's to hot in this closet. I have so many things I want to tell Ari.

Summer break from me
One day i'm going to fall so hard. I've told my own fortune. Being left by my friends for being cruel towards them and die alone and in misery. i've already lost three friends this year and i'm afraid i mught lose one more. I wouldn't be surprised if I did. i don't feel like talking about Ari. I'm sick of crying about her. I had it coming to me, and all I can say is sorry. My best friend telling me she can't trust me to be always there for her when she needs me to be. That hit me hard. I wish she could have flat out said i don't love you and i don't want to be friends with you anymore. That would have made things prolly worse but at least you wouldn't have to dig through sugar coating. I might just cut myself off from everyone and make new friends at shows and downtown. Losing Ari was the last straw for me. i can't keep friends.

Current Mood: hideous
Current Music: upstairs

Glasses
I am so exhausted. Sleeping in to 12:00 pm didn't seem to make much difference on how I would feel today. My head hurts and I am at a loss of words. I can't get a hold of Ari, and she never calls me back. It's almost like she drops off the face of the planet only to pop up again at a random time. I'm thinking she's at the Peacock in the Park but I didn't think it lasted this long. I want last night to happen again. It was amazing fun at the Meow Meow. I don't want to talk about details. To hard. I think I might go sleep. For all who reads, I will try and write more often for your entertainment. I love you Jordan, give swedan a big kiss. Ari, call me please.

Holding hands
I am pissed. I ran in the rain, pouring down. i danced in the street, and i wish every day could be like that. My mum, got me a graduation dress. It's my dream dress. I never thought it would be mine. It's tight and I'll prolly only wear it once, but the fact that it's mine, is the greatest thing I could imagine.
I know many would dissagre about me not having consistent friends, but that's how i feel. i feel like Ari hates me, just the way she doesn't seem to talk directly at me, or ignore suddely. if that made any sense. I'm also insanly jealous of her. She is so amazing and origional. sometimes, I wish I had a small part of who she is now. I can't be this way. Sometimes I'm stupid and want to go to Grant just in spite of her. Our friendship is slowly dissinagrating. This always seems to happen to me. All my really good friends become strangers. And i'm afraid that's whats going to happen to Ari. If it does I"ll just have to get over it somehow.
My cousin Devon, has promised me that if I get good grades and keep off from smoking pot, then he'll take me to Amsterdam when I'm 18, and will smoke all the pot i want in one of those cafes. i want to try the purple Mango. I really want to call Ari.

Current Mood: cynical
Current Music: butterfly boucher: don't point don't scare it

Alyssa Eckert
On the way back from Canada, I sat in the steaming back of the bus. My hair was floppy, and I wanted to be naked. I sat and talked with Max. A beautiful mind. Marissa and Jordan, seemed so real to me, they looked like they loved each other, alot. I was alone without anyone there to touch me. rocket had it, Robert, and I was jealous. near the end, Max came and was there with me. It was the nicest feeling in the world. i want to sleep with him. No sex. just sleep. I want to burn Mike. I don't have any consistent friends, and only having Rocket

Why Hello, Mike is in my mouth!
Micheal danced in my mouth and I can still taste him. Kind of silky old banana lunch taste. You Startled me! First a movie is what I see, then a black blob. Oh and whats this? It's micheal's tongue!!!! Jesus Fuck. I am very happy to be going to Canada. It will be fun, it better be fun.
I am clueless as to what to say. Jordans boring, and rhyming is on my mind. The clouds outside look like fish and whales. fluffy fish and whales.....Fuck. My mohawk is the only perky thing in this room. I feel anxious, and excited, but I don't know what to expect for the next three days. I want candy. and ice.

Current Mood: okay
Current Music: oprah winfrey

Taxedermie Peg
I found this water buffelo head that hung in an anitique shop the other day. It was huge. i thought it was plastic and useless just to hang there staring at your living room above the fire place. i decided to touch it and name it Peg. Whenever something dead and stuffed is there, i'm always afraid to touch it. Like it will came back to life my stomach fills to the brim with butterflies. i did though. Peg was very real. I had the biggest urge to take a baseball bat and smash everything that was glass and priceless in that store. It would have been satisfying and expensive. the wall said:"I am a butch, therefore I love"

Current Mood: blah
Current Music: Star for you-Sparklehorse

Birds of Paradise
hmmm. I bought lemon heads in the hopes I would tell Iz...
I thought I would have more to say, and came here in hope that i would say them. I feel kind of tierd. I don't want to go to math tomorrow, and My dad ahsn't recognized that my hair is different, for the few hours he's been here. The canadian trip is soon, and i have high hopes for it. School will be ending soon, and i don't want to hear that song again. I keep thiniing about this boy I saw at the bus stop a couple years ago. He wore all black and had spiked blond hair. He smiled at me and i turned away, feeling nervious. Right as the light turned green, I looked back at him and he miled even bigger. Laughing at me, almost. He was pretty, and only if he could see me now. i also remember this time Ari and i made our death beds in my back yard, and just lied out there underneath the overcast sky. I wan to spike my hair with loud music and dance on the garage roof with the grey heat outside.

Current Music: digital static

New constitution
Today was good, in a tierd funny sort of way. Mrs. George makes tear up the lawn. My mother's comunication skills make me tear up paper.
Recess, Rocket and I layed in the shade with our feet resting on the coke building, and we laughed at everything, even though a dust speck really isn't that funny. Michael came over and we made him sit with us. Rocket looked drunk trying to walk around with his glasses on. I stole them from her and started to run, michael chased me and i started freaking out. he takled me and we layed in the grass spooning, trying to catch our breaths. It was hot out, and made me breath. I hate days like this and it's supposed to get hotter. It needs to rain and be grey. I like days like that so much better!!

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: The Who

purple leaf
Hmmm. I feel speechless. Almost as if my mom and grandpa can understand what the clicks of the key board make out to be. I see the moon. I haven't seen the moon in the longest time. It's been covered by clouds. It used to come to my window, and I would have this ray of light stream across me as I slept. It stopped coming. But now i see it again. I feel tightness in my stomach, but other than that i feel good. I've had nothing to do all weekened and now Monday is tomorrow, and I'm excited to be going back at school.It gives me something to do and it fills my life up. I'm scared for high school, but I shouldn't think like this now. I must be sleeping.

Current Mood: relaxed
Current Music: voices of the television

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